Why the Words You Say to Yourself Matter More Than You Think

I've been watching the tulips push through the ground this week.  No hesitation.  No questioning whether it was ready.  Just the slow, steady work of becoming — because the conditions finally allowed it.

Nature doesn't talk itself out of growing.

But many of us do.

Before your feet hit the floor in the morning, the voice has already started.  Too much.  Not enough.  Who do you think you are?  You've heard these thoughts so many times they no longer feel like thoughts.  They feel like facts.

They are not facts.  They are a loop.  And today I want to talk about what that loop is actually doing — not just in your mind, but in your body.

Your Body Is Listening to Every Word

After more than 20 years working with bodies — first as a massage therapist, now as a BodyMind coach — I can tell you with certainty: the body doesn't lie.

Notice what happens the moment that critical inner voice starts.  Feel it — the jaw that tightens, the breath that shallows, the belly that quietly grips.  That's not your imagination.  That's your nervous system responding to a perceived threat.  Your body cannot tell the difference between an external danger and the voice inside your own head telling you that you're not enough.

We have somewhere between 12,000 and 60,000 thoughts per day.  Up to 95% are repeated — the same loops running over and over.  And research tells us up to 80% lean negative.  That's not a personal failing.  It's biology. The nervous system pulls us back to the familiar, keeps us in the known, guards the edges of our comfort zone.

But here's what that means for those of us in midlife especially: if you've spent decades managing, caretaking, and holding yourself to an impossible standard, those neural grooves run deep.  The inner critic has been a faithful companion — keeping you productive, acceptable, invisible enough to be safe.

And it is costing you something.  Your peace.  Your confidence.  Your sense of what's still possible.

The Difference Between a Thought and a Belief

Not all thoughts carry the same weight.  Thoughts are the things that swirl through the mind — thousands daily, most of them fleeting.  But beliefs are the thoughts you've given meaning to.  The ones you've accepted as true. They carry an emotional charge that lives deeper — often beneath conscious awareness.

Many of our deepest beliefs were formed when we were young.  Who we have to be to receive love.  How much we're allowed to want.  Whether we're safe to take up space.  We didn't choose those beliefs — they were written into us by experience and by a world with strong opinions about who we should be.

But here's the invitation: we get to look at them.  We get to ask, gently and without judgment — is this actually mine?  Is this still true?  Is this keeping me safe, or is it keeping me small?

What Nature Teaches About This

The tulip doesn't have a belief system about whether the soil is worthy of its roots.  It doesn't rehearse failure before it blooms.  It simply responds — to warmth, to light, to the slow thaw of the season.

There's something in that for us.  Not that we should bypass the complexity of being human, but that underneath all the stories we carry, there is something in us that knows how to grow.  Something that has been waiting, patiently, for the conditions to soften enough.

Awareness is the thaw.  Noticing the voice — without fighting it, without shame — is how the ground begins to soften.

A Practice for This Week

Sometime today, pause and notice the voice. Just listen. Ask yourself:

• What story am I living inside right now?
• Would I say this to someone I love?
• Where do I feel this in my body — right now, as I read this?
• What might shift if I softened just one word?

That's the beginning.  Not perfection — awareness.  And awareness is always the first step to getting out of your own way.

Ready to Go Deeper?

This April I'm hosting an intimate Story Circle Gathering — a small, grounded evening for women to explore the stories they're living inside, together.   We'll open with a body-based practice, journal, share, and listen. Rooted in body wisdom and women's wisdom alike.

Stay tuned for more details.

Or step into my private podcast — Celebrating Women Through Story — where real women share the narratives that changed their lives.